Connie’s Coffee Talk

When Women (and their children) are targeted

                                                                                                                                                                    Connie Shannon

This week has been a fortnight filled with contrasting events, with terrific times joined with friends and delicious feasts, coupled with other less than cheerful periods of the realities happening in our world.

I have wondered if I’m being premature in writing what I’m compelled to write tonight,  but the issue continues to return back to me which seems to tell me I should listen and follow through with what I need to say.   

The other day I received an email from a close friend of a Dallas Morning News article regarding a woman, Jeanmarie Geis and her two children, Matthew aged 8 and Sydney aged 4, who were found murdered last Friday in their home in North Dallas. 
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/122008dnmettripleshooting.7b0d62be.html

The news hit me with the broadside shock experienced when we are met with information which takes us totally by surprise, reeling us back to years and experiences long gone by.  

I had not known Jeanmarie Tolle (as I knew her) Geis well.  

I had the opportunity to meet her a couple of times more than a decade ago when we happened to be in a similar social circle.   

However, in reading the news, it took me back to trying to remember those times we had met and the limited moments we had together.   

As I read the information from the DMN article, I was bombarded with a series of questions and doubts to the information being presented.   

I was also curious to some of the quotes which also seemed to create more questions and doubts in my mind.

Of course I should probably reiterate that meeting someone a couple of times doesn’t constitute a legitimately knowing a person.  

However, I should add what I do remember now in meeting Jeanmarie is perhaps as worthy as the information being put forth by writers who never met her at all.  

What I remember about Jeanmarie was a sense of poise and frankly dignity, at the risk of sounding ‘dramatic’. 

However that is what has come to my mind. 

There was also a ‘no-nonsense’ air about her which in and of itself seemed to encourage an element of respect. 

I saw her on a number of occasions and there was a maturity and femininity about her that, at the time seemed to me to show confidence and professionalism.     

I remember at times feeling a bit intimidated by her, in a way that one feels about someone who is a number of years older and in a sense someone to look up to.

I mention these things because I believe they bear noting, especially when viewing the recent articles regarding Jeanmarie and the children, along with all the events surrounding the murders, which however unintentionally or intentionally, seem to disregard and tarnish a person(s) without any alternative thought or opinion.   

Certainly I would assume there are many others who know Jeanmarie well, and who would have much more to say in particular as to what has already been written and printed.   

I should add that what has recently been written about Ms. Tolle-Geis throughout a myriad of press outlets is sadly, typical writings of what has been printed of so many women who have been murder victims, and who are somehow insinuated to be and characterized as potentially offenders themselves -  either “mentally unstable” (how many times do we see that repeatedly written about women in the newspapers every single day),  histrionic and/or overly dramatic, overly emotional, overly anything frankly, perhaps deviant and devilish, hyper -sexed, hysterical and somehow anyone of these - and as such, is somehow supposed to override the fact they were frightened as hell, targeted and then murdered, along with their children?   

In addition, how many women do we read about who have had no way of truly protecting themselves, certainly from the narrative being written about them after they are murdered?

Although I didn’t know Jeanmarie well, I do know what it’s like to be targeted by hostile forces.  

I know what it’s like to be fearful to leave my house and to be consistently aware of anyone and everyone around me, and at the same time wonder if I’m being overly “paranoid”?

I know the fear of being alone and going to bed at night wondering who could/should I call if there’s a ‘problem’?

I know the fear and confusion of who to talk to about the situation - who will understand and/or who won’t? 

These are just a few of the questions that go through our heads when we are being targeted. 

While our experiences differ in the obvious ways, we as women are targetted on a universal scale that so often is left invisible, unknown to each other as women, and certainly under or even un-reported.  

Additionally in many cases, to actually go to the police who are supposed to be allies, which they often are /or try to be, however, can often set women up for more problems and harassment.  

How sad to say that and yet that is often the reality. 

A reality of men often protecting their own, instead of protecting those who warrant the necessary protection.  (I should add that there have been many others trying to help and protect those being victimized - that will be another story at some point).

What is additionally sad and unconscionable, in Jeanmarie’s case, is the lack of police patrolling her block and sitting outside her house when she needed it most.

Tonight as I write this, I’m sure Jeanmarie would have much more to share with us as a woman, as a mother, and as a wife and a person whose been victimized along with her children. 

But she can’t and they can’t.  

All she has left is the voices of concerned individuals who want to know what really happened and understand the value in finding out the truth.  

Because if those who committed the crime get away with it, they set a precedent for more offenses to happen to others as well, and I will say that will most often be more women and/or those who have little or no way of adequately defending themselves.   

As I mentioned at the onset of this piece, I may be premature in writing this, and at this time, like you, I have absolutely no concrete idea or much less evidence to point fingers, other than what has already been given to us in the articles/evidence presented.  

What I do know is as a woman, and as women as a whole entity, we all have the capacity to be treated as Jeanmarie has been treated up to this point.  

Without a voice, without a defense and without any protection as she was left with - being alone in her home with her two children with no protection after two assaults (if not others) had already occurred.   

Like many others who have wondered as well, and continue to come up with similar questions and concerns that have all but been ignored by the police and the media, it would seem that something is just not right.   

For those who supported and loved Jeanmarie, it seems it is their job now to be her voice and defender, however fairly and with the desire for the truth to be revealed.  

It is no different for any of us who would want the same defense and outcry if we and our children had been targeted and killed with no answers as to why we weren’t being protected,  why there was no security and why they were left in their home alone to defend themselves, despite the immediate threat and history of assaults and potential murder existing.  

As I write tonight, I hope there will be justice for Jeanmarie and the children.   

I know that her father, a former Dallas judge and her mother as well, would desire the same.

And additionally, may there be justice for all of those who have been unjustly harmed, accused, targeted and may there be a larger volume of much needed voices who are willing to say what needs to be said in their defense.