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realizations My father passed away when I was 19.   My mother died when I was 27. This month it will be 20 years without either of my parents being alive. I rarely acknowledge this loss, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test namely to others.   I guess most of us without our parents try not to think about it really.  I went on a walk today with a close friend.  She has a friend who is without parents and family as well.  We spoke about what it means to live without your parents. It's pretty difficult for others with parents living to grasp what it's like to be without them.   Without those people who know you like no one else, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test without a parent to reach out to - to call on a whim, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test to run by the house, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test to see during the holidays.  Here's a piece I found the other day.  Dedicated to all the adult orphans out there, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test who take it in stride, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test but miss them all the same.  xoxoxo Adult Orphans -- the secret group almost everyone joins Every once in a while another of my friends joins me and becomes an adult orphan. It is like a secret club, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test and should probably have its own password and handshake. No one tells us about this event, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test this developmental hurdle. No one tells us that it will be a very special kind of hard. Losing one loved parent is, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test of course, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test awful. Losing two is beyond normal grief because it suddenly puts us in a new world -- the world of the parentless -- the world of the adult orphan. It is a world with new feelings in it, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test new possibilities, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test new scary bits, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test new awareness, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test new responsibilities. You are now among the familial elders. There has been a shift in generational marker-people. You stand for something different in your family now. Every day in every way you sit in one of the big chairs. In an instant you no longer have someone around who recalls every minute of your life. Your personal historian, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test the last one who remembers everything about your life, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test even the early parts you cannot recall for yourself, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test is gone. There will be no more stories of cute things you did when you were two or ten. You don't get to feel like someone's little girl any more. When I was 32 I went through a painful divorce. The day that I told my mother about the divorce, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test she asked what she could do. Buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test I said, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test "Brush my hair?" I sat in the living room, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test at her feet, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test my head in her lap, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test and she brushed my hair -- the same way she did when I was little and needed comforting. There'd be no more of that. Ones sense of "home" changes. I had my own dwellings over the years, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test but "going home" always meant coming back to my childhood home and spending time with both or (when one passed) with one of my parents. Buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test The guardian of one's roots changes. Whatever you counted on from your parents -- it was big. Even if it was not all positive. Their lives affect you. So does their absence. It may feel difficult when others discuss spending time with their parents. Holidays my feel especially poignant. Buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test But in those senses, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test it will feel like regular grief. But this time you can't discuss it with your parents. Buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test You can't call Mom or Dad and just talk it through with them. For some, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test parents provide a kind of safety net. If the world falls apart, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test the parents are still there. If you lose your job your home, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test your foothold you have them to hide out with for a while. If you have gone through a rough emotional time, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test you can plug into their love for you to get your soul's batteries recharged. Whatever mooring your parents have provided, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test emotional, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test financial, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test spiritual -- will go. And you will feel adrift in very particular ways. I have found that my faith gives me a considerable reassurance that we will all be together again some day. I also do feel a distinct presence in my life -- which I am happy to believe is my Mom watching over me. I have a dozen strange stories that would seem to point to that presence -- so I happily choose to believe in it. As I put hand to tasks that used to be my parents' tasks, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test whether it is a certain kind of gardening, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test or cooking a certain meal, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test or baiting a fish hook, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test or nailing a shelf together, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test I feel their hands over mine, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test invisible but there in memory. It is a definite life-position -- that moment when one is an adult and orphaned. It is not like other grief. Buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test It has a residual change impact on all of us. I learn every year how different it is to be in this place. And as other of my friends go through it, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test we are able to comfort each other in specific ways, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test and offer a special understanding. But make no mistake about it -- the spiritual impact like a deep interior explosion, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test miles below the surface of the earth. Buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test The effect ripples upward for years. So be brave, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test feel what there is to feel and share with others who have also gone through it. There are survival tips to share, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test shoulders upon which you may cry, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test and many things to learn. After all, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test like it or not, buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test you are now one of the familial matriarchs. Buy no rx hcg pregnancy midstream test Original post can be found at: http://www.blogher.com/adult-orphans