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realizations My father passed away when I was 19.   My mother died when I was 27. This month it will be 20 years without either of my parents being alive. I rarely acknowledge this loss, order cheap evecare online namely to others.   I guess most of us without our parents try not to think about it really.  I went on a walk today with a close friend.  She has a friend who is without parents and family as well.  We spoke about what it means to live without your parents. It's pretty difficult for others with parents living to grasp what it's like to be without them.   Without those people who know you like no one else, order cheap evecare online without a parent to reach out to - to call on a whim, order cheap evecare online to run by the house, order cheap evecare online to see during the holidays.  Here's a piece I found the other day.  Dedicated to all the adult orphans out there, order cheap evecare online who take it in stride, order cheap evecare online but miss them all the same.  xoxoxo Adult Orphans -- the secret group almost everyone joins Every once in a while another of my friends joins me and becomes an adult orphan. It is like a secret club, order cheap evecare online and should probably have its own password and handshake. No one tells us about this event, order cheap evecare online this developmental hurdle. No one tells us that it will be a very special kind of hard. Losing one loved parent is, order cheap evecare online of course, order cheap evecare online awful. Losing two is beyond normal grief because it suddenly puts us in a new world -- the world of the parentless -- the world of the adult orphan. It is a world with new feelings in it, order cheap evecare online new possibilities, order cheap evecare online new scary bits, order cheap evecare online new awareness, order cheap evecare online new responsibilities. You are now among the familial elders. There has been a shift in generational marker-people. You stand for something different in your family now. Every day in every way you sit in one of the big chairs. In an instant you no longer have someone around who recalls every minute of your life. Your personal historian, order cheap evecare online the last one who remembers everything about your life, order cheap evecare online even the early parts you cannot recall for yourself, order cheap evecare online is gone. There will be no more stories of cute things you did when you were two or ten. You don't get to feel like someone's little girl any more. When I was 32 I went through a painful divorce. The day that I told my mother about the divorce, order cheap evecare online she asked what she could do. Order cheap evecare online I said, order cheap evecare online "Brush my hair?" I sat in the living room, order cheap evecare online at her feet, order cheap evecare online my head in her lap, order cheap evecare online and she brushed my hair -- the same way she did when I was little and needed comforting. There'd be no more of that. Ones sense of "home" changes. I had my own dwellings over the years, order cheap evecare online but "going home" always meant coming back to my childhood home and spending time with both or (when one passed) with one of my parents. Order cheap evecare online The guardian of one's roots changes. Whatever you counted on from your parents -- it was big. Even if it was not all positive. Their lives affect you. So does their absence. It may feel difficult when others discuss spending time with their parents. Holidays my feel especially poignant. Order cheap evecare online But in those senses, order cheap evecare online it will feel like regular grief. But this time you can't discuss it with your parents. Order cheap evecare online You can't call Mom or Dad and just talk it through with them. For some, order cheap evecare online parents provide a kind of safety net. If the world falls apart, order cheap evecare online the parents are still there. If you lose your job your home, order cheap evecare online your foothold you have them to hide out with for a while. If you have gone through a rough emotional time, order cheap evecare online you can plug into their love for you to get your soul's batteries recharged. Whatever mooring your parents have provided, order cheap evecare online emotional, order cheap evecare online financial, order cheap evecare online spiritual -- will go. And you will feel adrift in very particular ways. I have found that my faith gives me a considerable reassurance that we will all be together again some day. I also do feel a distinct presence in my life -- which I am happy to believe is my Mom watching over me. I have a dozen strange stories that would seem to point to that presence -- so I happily choose to believe in it. As I put hand to tasks that used to be my parents' tasks, order cheap evecare online whether it is a certain kind of gardening, order cheap evecare online or cooking a certain meal, order cheap evecare online or baiting a fish hook, order cheap evecare online or nailing a shelf together, order cheap evecare online I feel their hands over mine, order cheap evecare online invisible but there in memory. It is a definite life-position -- that moment when one is an adult and orphaned. It is not like other grief. Order cheap evecare online It has a residual change impact on all of us. I learn every year how different it is to be in this place. And as other of my friends go through it, order cheap evecare online we are able to comfort each other in specific ways, order cheap evecare online and offer a special understanding. But make no mistake about it -- the spiritual impact like a deep interior explosion, order cheap evecare online miles below the surface of the earth. Order cheap evecare online The effect ripples upward for years. So be brave, order cheap evecare online feel what there is to feel and share with others who have also gone through it. There are survival tips to share, order cheap evecare online shoulders upon which you may cry, order cheap evecare online and many things to learn. After all, order cheap evecare online like it or not, order cheap evecare online you are now one of the familial matriarchs. Order cheap evecare online Original post can be found at: http://www.blogher.com/adult-orphans